After listening to Carly Rae Jepsen’s 2012 hit “Call Me Maybe,” it was clear that the Canadian singer songwriter was pretty eager to be in a relationship. Her new music video for “Tonight I’m Getting Over You,” however suggests that maybe there was a reason why “baby” didn’t call. In fact, there may be several reasons why the guy from the new vid decided to call it quits, too. Here are a few.
1. She stole his stuff and refused to give it back.
You may be thinking, “aww, how cute, she wants his hat.” But for all we know, Carly Rae has been stealing and stashing dozens of her sweetie’s duds over a period of weeks, much like a ferret would. In the shot above the poor guy has resorted to wearing the ancient leather jacket from his punk phase for lack of anything else to wear.
2. She tried to wrestle him at inappropriate times
Don’t get me wrong, I love a good, romantic wrestle just as much as the next person, but she could have at least waited until he was finished reading his book or at least warned him that the headlock was on its way. Even after he called a truce, Carly Rae decided to wait unil he passed out to let up.
3. She sang in his face while he was trying to sleep.
After hours of being wrestled into submission, Carly’s boyfriend was pretty pooped. But did Carly care? Of course not. She liked to spend her mornings training her voice with an aggressive tactic called face-singing, which coincidentally, involved singing loudly in his face. When he asked her to stop, she moved her vocal regimen to the wee hours of the morning.
4. She made him take her on dates to weird places like abandoned mannequin factories.
Date at a bowling alley? Classic. Date volunteering at an animal shelter? Cute. Date spent loitering in an abandoned mannequin factory? Weird, Carly Rae. Just weird. Also, when you bring a guy to mannequin factory, don’t assume that that flash in his eye is excitement; he’s just worried that you brought him here to kill him.
5. She threw food at him and thought it was funny.
Okay, this is just rude. After seeing her man take a bite out of his doughnut, she used his unhealthy food choice as fodder for a slew of biting and misguided insults. To add insult to emotional injury, Carly Rae decided to throw bits of her own food at him, demanding that he eat them and perform tricks. Poor guy.
6. She had no idea how to sit in a car correctly and never wore her seat belt.
As kids, many of us used to lie on the school bus seat and play “roller coaster” but Carly Rae never outgrew it. When that got boring, she started experimenting with other sitting position in the car and getting mad at her boyfriend for not being able to drive whilst sitting backwards. Note the sneer of disdain.
7. She liked to play with the rear-view mirror while he was driving and told him to “live more dangerously.”
Another jerk move. As soon as she noticed his neo-punk wardrobe, Carly assumed that he was a total bad boy and was upset to find that he was really just a sweetheart who cared about her safety. One of her favorite games was to fidget with his rear-view mirror and mimic his concerned protestations.
8. She wouldn’t eat anything he cooked for her.
It’s one thing to be a picky eater and another thing to demand that a guy cook for you and then scramble the food into an unrecognizable mash on your plate because you don’t like what he made. Why does this guy even try?
9. She sat way too close to the TV and thought the people on the screen were real.
Yes Carly Rae, this is called a TV. It has pictures of people, PICTURES. He explained this to her several times but she still insisted on fondling the screen and sitting freakishly close. He missed all of his favorite shows; it was devastating.
10. She was awful at hide-and-go-seek.
Everyone knows that hide-and-go-seek abilities are the best indicators of compatibility. This guy was a pro, but Carly Rae? Not so much. Maybe it was because he’s a tender 23 and she’s almost 30, but the girl seemed to have lost touch with her inner child. That and she didn’t understand the difference between translucent and opaque materials. Sigh.
11. She was physically abusive.
Whoa! Everything else on this list is negligible compared to this. Don’t be fooled by her spare, 5’2 frame. This girl packs a mean punch. He was lucky to get out alive. Domestic violence is never ok. Ever.
12. She was afraid of small, enclosed spaces and regularly tried to escape from moving vehicles.
This girl is obviously a danger to herself and everyone around her. If you’re claustrophobic, it’s common courtesy to let your honey know. Oh, and it’s also common courtesy to, I don’t know, NOT STICK HALF OF YOUR BODY OUT OF A MOVING CAR! Jeez, Carly. Pull it together.