This week was full of sports, sports and more sports, which means you’re likely to sound like a fanatic until another round of hashtags comes through. Fandom aside, here’s what you need to know to fuel your next week of water-cooler conversations (spoiler: some of it isn’t sports).
If Barney Stinson had announced Belmont Stakes on Saturday, the last syllable of his “legendary” would have been trampled by the sound of Kentucky horse Tonalist hoofing past triple crown hopeful California Chrome. Although Belmont Stakes is the last to comprise the famed three-pronged title, competitors don’t have to compete in the Kentucky Derby or Preakness to enter. And newbie Tonalist didn’t. That’s one reason why Chrome owner Steve Coburn was less than pleased during his post-race interview. Other factors include Chrome’s gnash of a foot injury, millions in Chrome fan betting losses and the likelihood Elton John will call to ask for his suit back.
The San Diego Padres chose Cleveland Browns quarterback Johnny Manziel in the 28th round of the Major League Baseball draft Saturday. But while media outlets attempted to turn Manziel’s “Johnny Football” nickname into a Sandlot spinoff, a barely audible voice of reason emerged from the crowd: ESPN. The major sports news service, citing itself, listed the most notable NFL quarterbacks to have been selected in the MLB draft. Dating back to 1995, the eight names are a subtle reminder that Manziel is not that special, but there’s no word yet on whether being the 837th pick will diminish the Heisman Trophy winner’s ego.
For those of you who have been staring at the poster of Shailene Woodly and Ansel Elgort curled up on HOA-approved grass for months, this week finally brought the tear-jerking movie of the summer to your theater. John Green’s The Fault in Our Stars released Friday, and with it the sobs of book-loving romantics crescendoed to a social media peak. The film’s, hem hem book’s, quotable lines have been careening down newsfeeds at the rate of three posts per heartbroken outburst, an impressive speed considering most moviegoers already knew what was going to happen.
Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl disappeared from his Army platoon in Afghanistan on June 30, 2009; the U.S. finalized his release negotiations from the Taliban last month. After being exchanged for five high-level Taliban prisoners from Guantanamo Bay, Bergdahl is now recovering in a German hospital. But it’s not his homecoming that’s trending — it’s political controversy. Simply put, politicians are upset the White House didn’t tell them about the negotiation, some of Bergdahl’s comrades question whether he deserted his post before being captured and the restrictions placed on the freed Taliban prisoners are unclear. Amid those qualms, the FBI is looking into death threats aimed at Bergdahl’s parents, and new hashtag #TraitorBergdahl has surfaced. Please excuse this writer as she trolls said hashtag with the Constitutional amendments.
The day I began doing long division was the day I realized using my fingers was no longer a sufficient counting method. On Wednesday, the NFL announced its switch from Roman numeral Super Bowl branding to standard Arabic-style. That makes the next game Super Bowl 50, not Super Bowl L. As those of us not well versed in the Roman system breathed a sigh of relief, some tweeters demanded numerical satisfaction. Whether calling it the “fall of the Roman Empire” was dramatic (it was), there is one thing we can all agree on: Bud Light-infused fans should be thankful they no longer have to feign sobriety as they attempt to pronounce the game’s original double-L spelling.