I literally can’t leave my house lately without hearing about this 50 Shades of Grey super-fad. I’m not really one for romance novels — which is irrelevant because apparently this charming trilogy is light on the romance and heavy on the bondage — but I decided to do a little research anyway.

Here are my formal findings:

1. Word on the street is that the couple’s based on Edward and Bella and originated from Twilight fan fiction. So just in case you didn’t get enough of the whole “I’m 110 years old and you’re the most awkward girl on the planet; let’s get together and make weird, hybrid babies” thing, this series is totally for you.

2. Watching Ellen DeGeneres attempt to read it aloud is really, really funny. Don’t eat the pancakes.

3. There are rumors of a movie in the works. And yes, when it comes out on video, you’ll be able to rent it from one of those sketchy-looking video stores on the side of the highway. (P.S. If they cast K-Stew, I’m boycotting Hollywood for the rest of my life.)

4. A Florida library literally banned the novels. How I long for the days when books were banned for their “radical” ideas (à la Animal Farm and Fahrenheit 451) and not because they made county spokesmen blush. (Don’t worry, the books were re-shelved due to high demand from crazed women in the area.)

5. John Mayer struck out when putting E.L. James’ poetic musings to music and serenading the woman of his eye. I might feel bad for him… if he wasn’t John Mayer.

6. According to my friend, the steamy series is incredibly awkward to read in public. Or at the same time as your mother.

Seriously though, no judgment. I lost it when I thought Peeta was dead. We all have our guilty pleasures — some are just a little guiltier than others.

(And by a little, I mean exponentially.)