There is a time a place for everything. The time is summertime and the place is Columbia. You’d think there is no way fashion can possible go wrong when the living is easy. But style is never — NEVER — fashionable unless it’s comfortable, practical and functional.

Downtown Columbia is not a pool, the beach or a lake.

This is Kevin Garnett's reaction when he sees you wearing a bathing suit at all the wrong places. Photo courtesy of TheAwesomeBoston.com

I love swimsuits, but only when they’re worn for their main purpose. What I don’t understand is the rational behind wearing bikinis under an oversized tank top with oversized armholes. I get that it’s hot outside, but think about it this way: How often do you see a young woman wearing her bathing suit at brunch downtown in a country by the equator? I’m sure there are trendier ways of dressing for the heat.

Unless you’re into domestic violence, don’t wear wife beaters.

Hey, I just met you and this is crazy, but here's my number. So call me, maybe? Eh, no. Photo copyright of Dave Bullock from eecue.com

So maybe the description is a little too extreme, but you get how visually offensive it is for men to wear wife beaters. However, wife beaters are completely acceptable only when you wear it with spiked hair, bandana, baggy cargo shorts and a gross upper arm tattoo during Halloween. Oh, and throw in that ubiquitous red party cup and you’re golden. If Ronnie Ortiz-Magro from Jersey Shore is your style-idol, then you’ll have to forgive me for criticizing your sense of style.