By Suet Lee and Ryan Cornell

As Columbia prepares to roll out the turf carpet for the Crimson Tide, Bulldogs, Commodores and Wildcats, the visiting teams of the Southeastern Conference and their remarkably huge fan bases prepare to take the city by storm.

If you’re reading this and are part of the latter, listen up: Here’s a guide to Midwest versions of all your favorites back home in Tuscaloosa, Athens, Nashville or Lexington.

Georgia Bulldogs — Sept. 8

You like Taqueria El Sol de Zacatecaz/Cali n Tito’s
Check out El Rancho

As the song goes, it's the "greatest thing ever coming out of Mexico." MISSOURIAN FILE PHOTO.

Step one: Drink to oblivion. Step two: Go to El Rancho. Step three: Order the Guadalajara Especial. Don’t forget the Horchata. Step four: Repeat every night (morning?) at 2 a.m. Congratulations — you’ve just completed the Hungry Drunk achievement. Here are 10 points.

You like Manhattan Cafe
Check out Eastside Tavern
Karaoke nights, drink specials and a place where the coolest people in Columbia hang out. What’s not to love in this Broadway gem?

You like Terrapin Beer Company
Check out Flatbranch Pub & Brewing
The brewery-restaurant was named one of Esquire’s Best Bars in America and Men’s Health Magazine’s Best College Bars for Beer in America. Try the Oil Change Stout, the Katy Trail Pale Ale or the Green Chili Ale. Honestly, you can’t really go wrong.

Vanderbilt Commodores — Oct. 6

You like Las Paletas Gourmet Popsicles
Check out Sparky’s Ice Cream

Sparky's is a favorite for those with a taste in weird art and everyone with working taste buds. MISSOURIAN FILE PHOTO.

It made headlines last summer with its cicada ice cream. It’ll give you (fore)head lines as you wonder how something so delicious can be legal.

You like Belcourt Theatre
Check out Ragtag Cinema
Once a year, the cinema holds a True/False documentary film festival that attracts directors and actors (including James Franco) from all over the world. You’ll be drawn to this joint like a magnet if you dig indie flicks and hipster chicks.

You like Mitchell Deli
Check out Sub Shop
Subway, Quiznos, Schlotzsky’s … All other sub places are sub par when they’re compared to this psychedelic sandwich stop.

Alabama Crimson Tide — Oct. 13

You like The Alcove
Check out Vault

Vault is a bar located underneath the Tiger Hotel. You can't miss the red "TIGER" that lights up downtown Columbia. MISSOURIAN FILE PHOTO.

The classy bar underneath the Tiger Hotel gives off a speakeasy vibe. It’s a quiet escape away from the rush of downtown where the bartenders are skilled, the napkins are black and martinis are $3 from 5 to 8 p.m.

You like Egan’s
Check out Bengals
You won’t find any stronger spirit for the stripes at this sporty bar. 21 HD flatscreen TVs don’t hurt either.

You like Mugshots
Check out Booches
Ask anyone on the street of our fair city where the best burger lives and they won’t fail to quickly answer back Booches. Just remember the basic rules: No smoking, cursing, credit cards and lying about fish stories.

Kentucky Wildcats — Oct. 27

You like Sahara Mediterranean
Check out Coffee Zone

The best of the Middle East in the Middle West. MISSOURIAN FILE PHOTO.

Best gyros in town. By the way, I never did learn how to pronounce that word. Is it yee-ro? I’ve been going off of euro and it’s never failed me. Also, the rocket fuel (coffee) should put some pep in your step.

You like Half-Price Books
Check out Peace Nook
It might smell like a Hollister, but don’t let that turn you away from the door. In this underground (both literally and figuratively) hideaway, you’ll find nearly all of the collected works of Jonathan Franzen, David Foster Wallace and loads of equipment to start your own hippie commune.

You like Goodfellas Pizzeria
Check out Shakespeare’s Pizza
Rather than be convicted on charges of blasphemy, I’ve decided to include Columbia’s favorite place. The pizza perfect downtown mainstay won Good Morning America’s “Good Eats, College Edition” and has been featured on ESPN College Gameday.
Photo courtesy of sxc.hu

More from the Columbia Missourian: Alligators. Crawfish. Country music. Three schools that call themselves Tigers. Two that call themselves Bulldogs. Explore Missouri’s new neighborhood Road Trip to the SEC.