Welcome, incoming freshman, to the wild world of college. There are some important lessons to be learned that won’t be included in your course packet. The quicker you learn these life lessons, the better.

Let’s get started.

Buy your textbooks on Amazon

Or anywhere you can get a deal. Don’t get me wrong, I love the bookstore and it’s insanely convenient, but you can earn some serious savings elsewhere. Then, you can donate that extra money to charity… or your social life.

What do you call the doctor who graduated last in his class? Doctor.

It’s not that grades don’t matter — trust me, I’m mildly obsessed with my GPA upkeep. But if you get a B, you’ve got to let go of the notion that it’s going to ruin your life. If a class is crazy hard and you tried your best, accept it and move on. Que sera sera, my friend — I’m not going to lie, nobody wants to hear about your 4.0 semester anyway (but congrats).

My point is, don’t sacrifice your peace of mind or happiness. Four years isn’t that much time.

Don’t make the infamous duck face

It’s a terrible idea. That’s all I have to say.

See? The only reason I'm willing to post this on the Internet is to HELP YOU.

Don’t do it.

Get involved

I know it sounds totally dorky, but the more diverse friend groups you have, the more you’ll have to do when your all besties suddenly leave town on the same weekend. Also, you’ll look really popular when your senior year comes along and you feel like you know half the campus — it’s no contest, but it is fun to be known. If you aren’t interested in MU organizations, there are plenty of places around CoMo to meet people, too.

Don’t be “that guy/girl”

Nobody wants to take care of that guy or girl who had too much to drink. It’s bad enough holding someone’s hair back when they puke, but nothing kills a party faster than someone contemplating an ambulance. Your friends might act like it’s a joke the next day, but they will be annoyed. It’s just no bueno. Like my point with worrying about grades, life is short. Don’t spend it so hung over that you’re miserable (or, worse, hospitalized).

Additional fact concerning alcohol: Re-hashing your escapades at lunch the next day might be hilarious, but the mother of four that’s two tables over doesn’t think your “totally blacked-out” story is cool. Feel free to revel in the times you’ll remember far longer than what you learned in biology/statistics/British literature, but be aware of your surroundings and keep it classy.

There are plenty of life lessons left to be learned, but hopefully this gets you off to a good start. Have a great four years!