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Today little girls and college students alike hit up Wal-mart to get their copy of the super, deluxe, special-features-are-longer-than-the-actual-movie Blu Ray edition of the Holy Grail of Disney Princess movies, Cinderella.
As a kid I was the girl who saw Cinderella at Disney World and said, “I like Jasmine better.” So, naturally, I’m rather skeptical at the whole Cinderella-on-mega-awesome-Blu-Ray.
As an adult, I know now why Cinderella is on my bad side. She’s a lying liar who tells lies to little girls.
Well, maybe not she, but her biographical movie. Here are are the five things that Cinderella taught me that weren’t remotely true:
One: Cinderella taught me that midnight is when all nightlife ends, your ride turns back into a pumpkin and your dress goes back to tatters. I’ve been out past 2 a.m. to the downtown bars before. Okay, so my makeup and hair was a little worse for wear, and my designated driver had yet to show up. And we won’t go into how a terrible broken heal mishap had left me shoeless on one foot…
Two: The tinier the feet, the more likely you’ll marry a prince. According to Grazia Daily (believe that source to be as credible as you like), Duchess Kate of Cambridge’s feet are a 39, or 7.5 in American size. Prince Williams’ wife is also 5’10″, making her feet very small proportionately. Well played, Cinderella. Well played.
Three: Every lady has a fairy godmother who pops up right when she’s needed. My godmother lives in Lake Geneva, Wis. and I’ve seen her once in the last year. There was that time my pseudo-Aunt Dee came to help me get ready for prom and let me borrow her diamond bracelet…so I guess fairy godmothers do kind of exist.
Four: The first thing you want to do when you wake up in the morning is sing, perfectly on key, “A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes.” For me, the first thing I do is press the snooze button and roll over. I leave the singing to when I’m in the shower or getting dressed. Wait, she continues singing as she gets ready? Hrm.
Five: Cats are the devil, literally. The cat’s name is Lucifer, so don’t tell me there’s no underlying message in old-school Disney movies. As much as I’d like to say Cindy lied about this one, I can’t. Another point for Cinderella.
Maybe I should give Cinderella another watch….
What about you? Did Snow White snow you? Did Sleeping Beauty pull the wool blanket over your eyes?
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