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Men and women. Mars and Venus. I bet whoever is reading this article can list 10 differences between the two sexes  in 10 seconds. Yes, I’m not even exaggerating just because we are, indeed, that different from the opposite sex — moment of silence, please. If you are a woman who feels the pain of the lady in the picture and wants to vent, or if you’re a man who wants to know just how angry/frustrated/disappointed you make us, read on.

1. Farting

Guys, you fart, we get it. I mean, we’re human beings at the end of the day. But if you think showing off your series of farts is hilarious and, clever — for whatever reasons that is — you’re very misinformed and need to keep reading.

2. Burping

Along those lines of #1. Um, GROSS.

3. Texting

Oh, ready for some preaching, gents. First thing first, we hate, hate when you don’t text back. Texting is a form of communications, like, do you not talk back when you’re on the phone? And nope, texting us back four hours, or two days later does not count. Also, we read into texts, as a matter of fact, we analyze them; it’s one of our many useless hobbies. So when you text us “K,” we are very unhappy.

4. Forgetful

Just because we’re nice, and we forgive and forget, it doesn’t mean we’re giving you unlimited passes to flake out. Don’t take our time for granted, please, especially when your time is oh-so precious and everything needs to be planned around your schedule! (URGH) If you expect us to be on time on a date, please do the same yourself; if you promised to get froyo with us this weekend, the froyo better happen this weekend.

5. Expecting Sex

My friend, B, says that men are penis-oriented, well, objections, anyone? My other friend, J, says: “Men never want to go on dates and only want us to ‘come over and hang out’ because we all know what that means. #SEX” See? Guys, we’re actually not that stupid and clueless. Surprise!

6. Communications

We know you’re capable of communicating, I mean, you seem to be having a swell time whenever you’re talking to your bros. But when it comes to us, it’s like a certain part of your brain shuts down, and you refuse to discuss, err, your feelings with us. All we ask is that you open up and tell us how you feel — without accusing us for being emotional and dramatic. Because guess what, WE AIN’T PSYCHO!!!

7. Too much confidence

Um, how should we put it in a way that doesn’t hurt your feelings? How about: Oh, she looks at you and smiles? Dude, she wants you. FALSE. It’s called being nice, not being interested. Hmm, Kleenex?

8. Lack of confidence

No women would appreciate a guy whose self-esteem is at the bottom of a valley. If you overly praise her and constantly belittle yourself saying how she’s out of your league, believe me, you are. So complement her moderately, and respect yourself enough that she doesn’t walk all over you. Oh, and before anyone jumps at me and says: “Nice guys finish last because women love jerks,” holddd your tongue, women can tell the difference between a douche and a mature, confident man. We always can.

P.S. If any of these points offended you, I’m sorry, but I hope you noticed the sarcasm — well, some of them. Good luck.