It’s no secret that Nicki Minaj has been trying to one-up Lady Gaga for years with her crazy look-at-me-look-at-me wardrobe selections and wigs that cause bees to try to pollinate her hair. The real mystery is why she uses the childhood toys of ’80s and ’90s kids as fashion inspiration. (She’s taken my childhood and given it boobs! Why, Nicki, why?) Here are five toy resemblances that are particularly obvious.
Nicki Minaj might be a woman of color, but she is certainly not the most colorful girl in the world. Nice try, Nicki. You might remember Rainbow Brite as the adorable little blonde girl who brought pigment into the Colorless World. Now you will remember her as a flamboyant madwoman armed with butt implants and a set of magic markers. The moral here is simple: hair chalking is a privilege, not a right.
I know what you’re thinking: “OMG! NICKI MINAJ DOES MY LITTLE PONY COSPLAY, TOO?!” No, my dear Brony readers, no. What you see here is not a costume. In fact, Ms. Minaj has probably never even played with My Little Ponies. The only connection that she has to the equestrian world is that she gets on all fours in 75 percent of her videos. Neigh.
In the immortal words of Harry Potter “HOW DARE YOU STAND WHERE SHE STOOD!” By “she,” of course, I mean every girl’s favorite Power Ranger, Kimberly Hart. When I saw Nicki Minaj wearing Kim’s old outfit, I expected she’d show off some sweet karate moves or at least beat the bejeezus out of the other back up dancer. But she did none of these things, and I cried on the inside. It’s because she’s a life ruiner…she ruins people’s lives.
Hey, did Nicki Minaj just wake up half naked after a color-themed frat party again, or is this just a gross misunderstanding of Jackson Pollock’s life’s work? It’s hard to say what happened exactly, but I haven’t seen something this tow up with misguided artistry since I ruined my first Doodle Bear with Sharpie back in ’96. I’ll never forget you, Beary! Unfortunately, the image of Nicki Minaj covered with what is probably Ke$ha’s glittery vomit, will also be branded in my memory forever.
Don’t ask , but science has somehow combined the DNA of a Bratz Doll and a Troll to create the hypersexualized medusa that you see above. Do you see that face? That’s Nicki’s watch-me-as-I-slowly-transform-everything-you-cherish-into-pornography face. Sinister, right? I knew that Nicki Minaj was an evil troll determined to ruin my childhood memories, but this is proof.
AHH! THOSE EYES! Sorry for scaring you, but here it is, the crowned jewel of Nicki Minaj’s total descent into recreational weirdness. Furbies were muy creepy back in the day, but Nicki is not one to be outdone. That’s right, kids: she found a way to out-creep your never-sleeping, obscenity-slinging, talking-after-batteries-were-removed Furby. It’s called yellow lipstick, and there’s a reason why Maybelline doesn’t make it.
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