Kansas: America's Biggest Mistake
November 30, 2007 at 2:56 p.m.
Miles Traveled: 397
Hours in the LeSabre: 6
“That’s what she said.” Count: 15
I always knew, the moment I enrolled at MU, that I was supposed to hate Kansas. Even though my cousin went to Kansas and I had never given either school a second thought for most of my life, I understood that the first rule to being a Tiger was hating the Jayhawks. Death, taxes, Jayhawks suck, etcetera etcetera.
Sure, I hated that Kansas football got undue credit for being undefeated after beating the likes of Florida International, SE Louisiana and Toledo. But not until this drive have I truly despised Kansas to the most of my ability. Here’s why:
Tollways: How does Kansas have the stones to charge use $5.25 for driving on their roads? If anything, they should be pay us for the privilege. Why is that? It brings me to my next point.
Nothingness: There is nothing in Kansas. Nothing. I drive from Chicago to Columbia during the school year, which is by no means is a scenic drive, and it doesn’t even come close to the vacuum that is the state of Kansas. This stretch makes southern Illinois look like a tropical rainforest. For a while there were more condemned/decrepit barns than the set of Twister then –pow- nothing. Not a house, not a barn, not a shed.
When William Quantrill marched on Kansas in 1863, did he survey the land and say, “Are we late or something?”
Also, memo to Kansas: Rest areas are not roads on the side of the highways with a handful of garbage cans. Those are called roads. Rest areas, crazily enough, have rest rooms, some picnic tables and maybe a vending machine or two. Your rest areas a mockery of the Department of Transportation
Keep this up Kansas and we are giving you to Canada, if they’ll take you. I know I wouldn’t.
Comments on this post
As the fine Dr. Michael Knight, leader of Marching Mizzou, once said: "It's not that I hate kansas as a whole. It's that I dispise each person individually." There's a reason why Norm Stewart NEVER bought anything in the state.
Posted by Laura Dotson on Nov 30, 2007 at 5:18 p.m. (Report Comment)