PRINTQ&A with a gay Boy Scout
This Columbian gets back in the closet when it comes to Boy Scouts
ILLUSTRATION BY KATE LARUE
April 19, 2007 | 12:00 a.m. CST
Although there is no established policy prohibiting gays from participating in the Boy Scouts of America, there is an informal understanding that if you’re gay, you’re out of the Boy Scouts. That’s why a Columbia man who is openly gay in town has kept his sexuality a secret from the BSA for fear of being ousted. During the school year, this BSA veteran dates and is out to his family and friends. But when the time had come for BSA camp, where he had formerly served as a camp counselor, he reverted back to that Catholic high school straight male. This Boy Scout will remain anonymous.
Q: When did you know you were gay? How did your family take the news?
Related ArticlesA: I don’t know if there was ever a time that it clicked. I think I always knew. When I was younger, I think I had an emotional attraction to males, and as I got older, it became more sexual. The first time I ever came out to anyone was freshman year in college. I told a few friends and later that year my parents. Coming from a very religious family and going to an all-male school and being involved in the Boy Scouts, I didn’t grow up in a very nurturing place for that acceptance.
When my parents found out that I was gay, they were concerned for my health and safety. I remember my mom saying that she wanted me to be careful of who I came out to. At first, I thought that they were ashamed and that they didn’t want me to come out to people. But I came to realize that, as with any parent, the last thing that they want to see is their child getting hurt, no matter how it happens or for what reason. My parents know that much of my life has been dedicated to the BSA and that it is an important part of my life. They also know that this is not something that I would want to jeopardize my involvement with the BSA. They respect that, although they disagree, and find it hard to understand why I would participate in an organization that discriminates against homosexuals.
Q: When did you decide to hide your sexuality from the Boy Scouts?
A: Probably in high school — eighth or ninth grade. Because it was then that my attraction for males became more sexual. When you’re going through puberty, it’s a huge point in your life. I can think of several instances where I was physically and emotionally attracted to staff members when I was a camper. In high school, it became a thing where I wasn’t totally sure of what these feelings were. I just knew that I was different. And because I knew that I was different, I felt like I had to conform or risk being ostracized.
Q: Have you ever been attracted to a fellow staff member? And how did you act?
A: Being at Boy Scout camp is like a frat guy going to a sorority house. You’re in heaven — how much better could it be? The type of people — at least the sex of the people you like — are always around. Does that mean I want to drop my pants and start molesting someone? Absolutely not. That’s what people think, and that’s why they don’t want gays in the Boy Scouts. Is there an attraction? Of course. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t.
Q: What do you think of the informal policy stating that no Boy Scouts or scout leaders can be gay? Does it offend you?
A: Technically speaking, if you profess that you’re gay, you can’t be in the Boy Scouts. But on the other hand, I’ve met several people in the Boy Scouts who are gay, but we just don’t come out and say we are. Whenever I think about the oath that says being “morally straight,” I ask myself what is “morally straight”? I don’t think I’m living a life of sin and wrongdoing. Do other people think that? Sure, different people have different beliefs. But I don’t buy the fact that being gay is morally wrong. There is this stigma that because you’re gay, you’re inferior and that’s just complete and utter bullshit. There’s this belief in the Boy Scouts that if you’re gay, you’re probably a pedophile. Gay does not equal pedophile.
Q: Do you feel like you can’t be yourself around the other leaders and campers?
A: It’s the same conformity that happened in high school. It was very easy to play this game of “Yeah, I’m straight.” In high school I went to school with a 1,000 Catholic boys. There was a lot of testosterone and homophobia. You know, “We’re macho; we want to do manly things; it’s a guy’s world.” You either talk about girls, don’t participate in the conversation or play along.
Q: Are you always second-guessing what you say or how you act?
A: Whatever you say, you don’t say something that might lead someone to expect that you are gay. It’s become so learned that when I’m at a Boy Scouts function, I know what to do. I get into the role. It’s a game that you have to play, and unfortunately I chose to play it because it means so much to me. Am I conflicted every single time I think of my participation in the Boy Scouts? Of course. The Boy Scouts say if you’re gay, you can’t participate. But are there gay Boy Scouts? Of course, just like the military. It’s conflicting, and it puts you in a tough situation. But in the end, I always find a way to justify it. It means more to me than throwing in the towel.
Q: Has anyone in the Boy Scouts ever asked you if you were gay? How many people know?
A: Yes. One instance was this past summer. A scout asked me if I was gay. And I automatically answered, “No, where did you hear that?” And I thought I was back in high school all over again. So I told him no, if I was gay, I wouldn’t be in the Boy Scouts. Out of the people I’ve come to know from camp, I would guess that less than 1 percent knows that I’m gay.
Q: Why is the Boy Scouts important to you? What has made you want to stick with it for so many years?
A: It’s been a part of my life since I was 6 years old. It’s really helped shape a lot of who I am today as far as communication skills, outdoors skills and working in teams. So many of my memories come from scout camp, and some of my best friends are people I’ve been on staff with. It’s a way of life. The ideals of this program are with you forever.
Return to the campfire for more scout stories.
I must say that I am torn with your article. I am a BSA leader and truly believe in the principles that the BSA teaches. I feel so sad for you that you are in a position that you support the program so strongly but cannot be your true self. At the same time I am very proud of your actions to contribute to the scouting community. I think that I speak for many leaders when I say that your efforts are appreciated. Many Americans are gay and completely competent in carrying on the message of Baden-Powell. Scouting is about carrying on a legacy of world peace regardless of sexual orientation.
Best of luck to you. Please continue to leave your legacy in scouting.
Posted by Brenda Newby on May 21, 2008 at 12:15 a.m. (Report Comment)
Your story is very similar to mine. Although I am still in high school, I face the same things that you face. I am very active in my boy scout troop and have been since I joined scouting approximately ten years ago. I believe that it is a great program that teaches the many good skills that you listed ans well as many key values such as the importance or respect for others and your surroundings. The only thing I disagree with is the discrimination towards homosexuals, which I believe is slighty against the friendly, courteous, kind section of the law, and the emphasis on religion, but thats a whole other can of worms. I feel the same way that you do when I go to scout camp and scouting is the only reason that I am still in the closet, at least to everyone other than my immediate family, close friends and member of different gay/straight alliance organizations, such as my high schools GSA and and organization known as GLSEN, of which I am a member. Scouting has shaped me into who I am to day and has been an integral part of my life. I would like to continue to be involved for as long as possible so that I can give back and help other boys have the same life shaping experiences that I have had.
Posted by jim turner on Jan 5, 2009 at 8:50 p.m. (Report Comment)
I've been in scouting for the last 12 years, as a scout, and now an adult leader; I must say I was surprised and glad to find this article. This subject seems so taboo to too many people that information is limited at best. I am Bisexual, yet even that is unacceptable in the eyes of scouting. Unfortunately in my long tenure with my troop I have become somewhat of an iconic "boy scout" among both the scouts and adult leaders; after all being a good leader is being an example- a role model. I fear with any revealing of my sexuality, I would not only lose all the respect I have gained, but fear it could devastate some of these boys and cause them to drop out and irreparably harm the troop's reputation. After all, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity too important to deprive any boy of. I would surely not be the successful leader I am today, nor know what to do with my life if it hadn't been for boy scouts: it has given me so much. It turned a shy little kid into a confident headstrong Businessman. I only wish to give back to the program as much as I can, if anything to repay all it has done for me. The system sucks, but that doesn't mean it isn't worth defending; I just remember what's at stake and it gives me strength to keep going.
Posted by Greg Tommelson on Sep 2, 2009 at 12:46 a.m. (Report Comment)
i personally am very offended about how the BSA is acting with regards to homosexuality and atheism. i am gay, and i came out the summer b4 my senior year. however before that, i did my eagle project and all of that other crap in order to get it, and even my local scout leaders say that my project was the hardest they've ever worked on (contact me on facebook at jstanley17@yahoo.com for more info) and the bsa denied me my rightfully earned trophy. not to sound conceited, but my project was a ton better than the other ppls and i was denied.. however, according to me, i earned that eagle. i dont need a shiny thing or a piece of paper to be proud of.
Posted by Joshua Stanley on Apr 23, 2010 at 2:01 a.m. (Report Comment)