PRINTThe Tao of beards
A discussion of the manliest accessory around
February 21, 2008 | 12:00 a.m. CST
In a biting Columbia winter, one of the worst foes a person must face is the wind. The low temperatures are bad enough, but a chilly blast can deter people from braving the great outdoors or even the great expanse of the Hy-Vee parking lot. Fortunately, some men have a valuable ally in the battle against Old Man Winter — the beard. Providing an extra layer of warmth, the beard proves useful in the cold. Yet some find beards to be unnecessary food traps or the source of painful post-make out beard burn, and with winter coming to a close, there is less incentive for men to don their God-given manes. For many men, however, hair is more than a trendy face-warming device — it’s a way of life. Three Columbians explain the philosophy behind their mane attraction.
The Wooly Mammoth
Who: Jon “Jawn” Hankley, 22, piercer at Hollywood Rebels Tattoos
Style: The Wooly Mammoth. Full, though his is relatively short.
Why a beard?: “When I was little in grade school, I always wanted a beard. My dad had a moustache for a while, so I was always really astounded by facial hair. The first beard I had was ridiculous — like huge! This is actually really short for how it usually is. Part of it is just ‘cause I’m lazy and don’t feel like shaving it, but other times just ‘cause I like it grown big.”
Benefits: “The ladies love it. It keeps you warm like crazy during the winter.”
Drawbacks: “Ice cream — never a good idea to eat when you have a beard. You can be the most careful person and you will always get ice cream caught in your beard.”
Beard envy: “I tend to like ‘the bigger the better,’ because you get envious of people. Like when you have a big beard and you cut it and see someone else with a bigger
beard — it’s like wicked jealous.”
The Sporty Chinstrap
Who: Beau Gambill, 17, Rock Bridge High School senior
Style: Classic chinstrap with the addition of a disconnected moustache.
Why a beard?: “I’m kind of lazy, and I don’t like shaving sometimes, so I just let it grow out.”
Benefits: “It keeps my face warm for sure, and the guys usually think it’s pretty tight.”
Drawbacks: “It gets itchy sometimes. Some of the ladies don’t really like the beard.”
Have you experienced beard discrimination?: “Yeah. Guys usually compliment me on my beard. Girls are usually like ‘Get that off. Why do you have a beard?’ It’s funny when I see people who didn’t see me with a beard because they don’t really recognize me.”
Overachiever: “I’ve been able to grow a beard since seventh grade.”
Maintenance: “If I have conditioner in my shower, I’ll condition it sometimes. I’ll give it a comb every once in a while. You know, you don’t want to get it too mangy.”
Ideal Beard: “I don’t really care that much. Whatever grows on my face is fine.”
The Small Goatee
Who: Rob Curl, 24,
MU senior
Style: Small goatee.
Why a beard?: “I grew it as a ‘breaking with your whole high school identity’ (statement) that all freshmen kind of do at some point. I kept it because I liked the fact that it gave me nerd cred, which, translated, means it made me look like even more of a pussy than I actually was. Somehow that
was desirable.”
Benefits: “I’m a philosophy major, so when I’m sitting in class, I can thoughtfully stroke my chin, and that always goes over real well.” Drawbacks: “I look like a really big nerd. You look at me, and you definitely know I play video games.”
Have you experienced beard discrimination?: “If I’m in formal business attire and I’m clean-shaven, people treat me like ‘Hey, junior.’ They kind of boss me around like I’m 10. But if I have my goatee, they treat me like I’m a little bit less of a total kid. I guess it’s because having that little extra bit of facial hair makes you look like you’ve been to the wars.”
