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The tailgating zoo

Which off-the-field spot fits your pre-game antics?

Charles Ludeke

Despite heavy rains, Frank Harris, Lonnie Harris and Chris Sanders tailgate in Lot A before the Nebraska game. Sanders helped set up three tents and a large, flat-screen plasma TV for the “Krewe Mizzou” tailgating group.

By Katlyn Keller and Jason Scott

October 22, 2009 | 12:00 a.m. CST

Tailgating is an art. Some tailgaters focus on making elaborate meals to avoid those hunger pangs that begin around halftime. Some tailgate to show off VIP status based on their proximity to the stadium, competing with every neighbor who donated big bucks to the university. Others bro-out and play games to get pumped up for the upcoming Mizzou victory (or, let’s face it, the occasional loss). And then there are those who tailgate to get as smashed as possible while still being able to wobble to the stadium. So don’t choose the wrong place to tailgate — you might get stuck saying ‘earmuffs’ to a three-year-old at Stankowski Field instead of letting loose at the more fitting East Campus.

The family entourager

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• Location: The Newman Center or Stankowski Field

• Age: Come with all three generations. There will be ambulances available for the oldies, just in case.

• Cost: Free

• Wearing: Gold shirts tucked into khaki shorts, with Teva sandals or Keds and a Mizzou baseball cap or visor that shuns melanoma.

• Driving: RVs and vehicles big enough to hold all tailgating needs for the entire family. Impromptu camping trip, anyone?

• Drinking: Budweiser. Lots and lots of Budweiser. There are even some of those disputed, black-and-gold cans mixed in.

• Eating: Brats, hot dogs, hamburgers, appetizers and fresh-pulled pork from cookers fans bring themselves. Come prepared to eat.

• Playing: Families toss bean bags into holes in plywood boards and metal washers onto rings. Easy enough for grandma, and a potential booze-free activity. It’s bonding time for the whole fandamily.

The rich and famous

• Location: Lot A

• Age: Geriatric

• Cost: Tailgate here for the bargain price of a $5,000 donation or more.

• Wearing: The men sport 100 percent cotton, official black or gold polos. The women get all the tiger-striped clothing they can find, and kids are in full regalia to ensure they are future MU students. Even yappy dogs wander in Missouri sweaters.

• Driving: Cadillacs, Ford 4x4s and an array of top-notch SUVs and trucks.

• Drinking: Only the best. Bottles (not boxes) of wine, sangria and abundant variants of expensive hard liquor, all guzzled from plastic cups — off-brands not allowed. It’s solely Solo.

• Eating: Crackers dressed in Brie. No Spam here. Only bring pre-event meals and amuse-bouches fancy enough.

• Playing: No. Too juvenile for this crowd.

The lazy ‘gater

• Location: East Campus

• Age: College students

• Cost: Free — but must live (or have a friend or be drunk enough to make friends) in an East Campus home.

• Wearing: Men sport Mizzou T-shirts to fit in with the rest of the stadium. Women wear jerseys, some blundering by putting on former quarterback Chase Daniel’s jersey of seasons past. Faux pas or not, the glory days are hard to forget even with Blaine Gabbert on board.

• Driving: Run-down trucks and sedans sit in the driveways, but no one dares to operate a motor vehicle. Fear not hungry tailgater, Sub Shop delivers.

• Drinking: Busch or Natural Light resides in the front yard of every home in this tailgating terrain. After all, it is a recession. Wanna class it up? Get bottles. For warmer weeks in the season, alcoholic slushie haven Tropical Liqueurs is quite the popular treat.

• Eating: The occasional empty chip bag litters the gravel or unkempt lawn.

• Playing: Ping-pong balls roll down driveways for beer pong, even in the hour before kickoff. Make sure you know the house rules. Swatting at the ball mid-flight might earn you an extra cup of cheap booze.

The M - I - Z super fan

• Location: Lot X near the hospital and the Hearnes Center

• Age: College kids, with a few families sprinkled into the chaos.

• Cost: $50/season for Lot X, but the Hearnes Center exploits tailgating slots starting at $500/season to rake in more cash.

• Wearing: Duds with enough gold to catch Cleopatra’s eye. The loud clothing parallels the school-spirited shouts through the lots.

• Driving: The All-American pickup or the classic minivan for soccer moms and dads.

• Drinking: All types of hoppy, malted beverages. The responsible stick with purified bottled water.

• Eating: All meat, all the time. A carnivorous habitat similar to the family entourage spot. Burgers, Oscar Meyers and Johnsonvilles done up on the portable grill.

• Playing: Catching the pigskin in one hand while holding a Bud Light in the other. Some play flip cup or beer pong to have both hands available for chugging.

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